Sunday, February 22, 2009
I dont know what to do
yay! just finished watching 放羊的星星. Next will be 禁不禁 . ( super weird lol) I was bored haha.
I was doing alot of reflecting in my life.I still really dunno where I am heading and am really really insecure about it. I think the song 'One Way' comes to life. Abram( which is also known as abraham after his obedience towards God) obeyed God and went into the wilderness though he didnt noe nuts about everything or anything.I want to live a daily lifestyle like that.
There was certain things I did during service.As the first worship song was in mandrain, I took the time to account to God about my life. I did the normal 'routine' everytime i approached God.1)thanksgiving for the past,present and the future2)Forgiveness of my sins and the World.3)God's character;slow to anger,abounding in love4)Needs5)People I want to pray for6)trusting God for the future
As I was accounting my life to God, I ..... had a great sense of unworthyness. When I compared myself to God's holyness and my sinfulness, I was ashamed before God.I guess Satan was condemning me. I just didnt wanted 2 go near God. Why? Because Im afraid to hurt God again with my sins. Though the sins I did was considerable small.Like, my friends in NS will irritate me then Ill irritate them back to show them how it felt.Showing face when they irritate me.It was hurt,showing out in anger. But, sin, small or big, is VERY destestable in God's eye. You drink a cup of poison , you die.Even if you drink a cup of water with one drop of poison, you still die.That poison is Sin in our lifes. It kills us.
So I spiritually took a step back before God and told God that I didnt wanted 2 hurt Him anymore.But what did God did? He walk towards me and embraced me spiritually and said " I will be more hurt if you go further away from me" ........
All I could say to God at the moment was ," I hate you God. I hate you for ur faithfulness.I hate you for your grace. I hate you for accepting me no matter what I did.I hate you for sending your son for a person like me.Lastly,I hate you for your abundant love.I never deserved it but you still gave and did all those things for me.I have to say , I really really really love you." I cried abit, holding my pride and 'face'.Then, I just had to worship God with all my heart. Such amazing Love
Yesterday service was a marvelous one. Indeed, Pastor Jeff's life convincted me but at the same time,it made me doubt of what God really wants to do. I had many dreams that I wanted to do for God but I was thinking twice whether is it really God's perfect plan for me. I shall not elaborate.I wanna soak myself in God's presence and submerged myself in His Word to find that answer if possible.
I was doing alot of reflecting in my life.I still really dunno where I am heading and am really really insecure about it. I think the song 'One Way' comes to life. Abram( which is also known as abraham after his obedience towards God) obeyed God and went into the wilderness though he didnt noe nuts about everything or anything.I want to live a daily lifestyle like that.I seriously dunno where Im heading to. Im like a wanderer waiting something 2 appear right in my face.Thats my condition as for now.
I guess,I was maybe somehow influenced by David Hoe. Or is it concidence that I have been thinking and saying the things that already happened in his life? dunno! my post always very messsssssy !
memories brings joy to my heart. thx
actually, the truth is there is alot of people in my life that I want to thank God for.But I did not take take photos with them.But you should know it. If u dun,can ask me.
ps:sorri if i reduced your market value *laughs* :P
Just let me know when u need me:D
Labels:Joke
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?” The clergyman wanted the younger boy to know that God's presence was everywhere and He is watching.
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"
Im too sensitivity! but oh well. im over it... for now.
so many locked emotions.
I cared so so much.I wish for a serious verbal commitment in friendship and familyship.
stop sinning to yourself or that sin will take over u
1:21 PM
I never will leave You ~
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