Friday, April 06, 2007
a new sathya
i been moulding by God thru tis week because of my hungerness to grow in lord ... though many of ppl has seen my outer .... not many .. even my shepherd has not seen the whole me inside ...
i have been not understanding myself well ... i realised i have alot of hidden motives ... most of the time i dunno y i do things though i noe its wrong ... have i been unfaithful? yes wif my life ... i been really been unfaithful wif alot ... God hit me tat "if a person is honest wif little...he will be honest wif much ...if hes dishonest wif little ... he will be dishonest wif much" n "(i forgot wat was it)" ...
i blank starely into thin air n look thru my life again... after David showing me a teaching ... i was stunned... tis was the first time i felt tis way... felt so weird ... i realise God was basically right infront of my face... i could feet it... God was there... i couldnt look ... i couldnt think ... all i could feel was i was a terrible sinner ... as i really met God just now ...God basically cleansed me fully .... i was made completely pure of my hands n heart n mind ... i was basically looking down ... at my heart ... how my heart had cheated me of my own sin ... my heart was slaved 2 sin n it didnt tell me ... how i hate the part when it submits 2 the Devil ... i dunno how long my heart that listens 2 darkness will continue 2 hide from myself ... but i wont allow it anymore ... ill allow God 2 clean me n protect me from myself ... God ... first i wanna ty for the problems in my life currently... i remembered i just prayed a few days ago for ALOT ALOT OF PROBLEMS ... y? because i wanna follow Job in the bible how he suffered terribly n still doesnt blame God n worship him ... i currently going through alot of problems ... yet when my lips wanted 2 blame God i remembered wat i ask God for ... i want thank God for tis ... my life has been so messed up but ty God ... for ur mercy ... for ur grace ... tat i may not understand fully but have received it fully ... how i am so debted to u ... wat can i do 2 make u love me more? wat can is till do tat will make u love me less? ... tis song 'So you would come' neva stops ringing in my heart ... i remembered that i made a prayer when i was 5years or younger... i will remember till death when i said tis "God ... y am i created into the world?y am i here?where r u God?If ur real ... show me who u r n i will folo u" God has chosen me really ... i was drawn upon his light ... its so good n refreshering
I ... dun wanna live another hour without thinking about God ... i realise i have not trusted God in every part of my life ... which leads me into insecure in some areas ... i think what hits me alot is about having girlfriend and boyfriend ... well ... alot of brothers said that "is not u cannot find stead is u cannot get one" actually it was a indirect joke haha ... but i realise again ... y r ppl having girlfriend or boyfriend? its because they want their emotional needs met by the opposite gender... their heart thinks tat by having a bf or gf they can feel 'loved' ... they can feel 'good' ... they can also feel 'secured' ...but everything in earth doesnt last ... feelings dun last ... if feelings last ...every1 would have stayed in God n wouldnt backslide ... but God would gladly fill ur emotion needs... but y God didnt isnt God wants 2 train u up 2 trust him ... He wants you 2 depend ur needs on him ... God didnt want 2 spoil us like spoiled brats ... we will be ruin ...
i think ill end here... i shall not speak as i want give the rest of my time to God in thanksgiving... i hope that ppl will get what im trying 2 say ... tat i want 2 die for the Living God.. what lives in me is the Spirit of God which will do His Will ... im not here 2 fancy u guys here... but here 2 humble myself... tat im a terrible sinner ... a sinner that have sin againist God always... n also a sinner that loves God for what He has done for tis sinner ...ty Jesus ... you have chosen me ... n planned me a good future ... what more can i give den my life? take it ... use it ... improve it ..
none of tis is written out of emotions but the receiving of God's goodness tat i have 2 share ... be4 i go i wanna say tis last thing 2 a very dear person ... i hope he noes he is the one im talking 2 ... n understands it ...
I realise that you have hated me ... not because u hate me but hated Jesus ...not because u hated Jesus too but u hate the Truth n u loved Darkness ... wat u dunno is ur following ur heart... ur following to the sin that is in ur heart for u r a slaved to sin ... tts y u dun drawn upon God when i shared 2 u ...u think that i'll be like wat u said ... a holy person ... let me tell u ... I wont be a Father... those r catholics... they r the foolish ppl 2 make a religon out of it ... the only true God is Jesus ...if u want...ill do any rituals u want me 2 do .. but i wont bow down 2 any1 except 2 God ... hear me n listen 2 God ... as u read tis check ur heart... y do u hate the God in me? y do u stir up anger when the Truth is being spoken? y has ur heart has been hardened towards the Truth ... ur a good person ... tat i fair well know ... but i dun want u 2 be good person but be a better person ..."The Truth will set you free" after u die where will u go? ur mentality is "if watever happens...let it be done" if u go 2 hell n realised that u made a stupid decision long time ago by not receiving Jesus ... u wont be able 2 go back ? den wat will u do? i cant bear 2 see u in hell ... not because i cant bear it ... but the God in me loves u so much tat he still cant let u go even though u hate him ...God wanna say tis 2 u "I would rather go Hell wif u den 2 go heaven without u" ...plz ... i beg u ... take into consideration ... Come 2 me n ill show u the Way ... not my Way but God's way ... for he wants 2 be with you ... taste His Goodness... n u will not regret it ... tat i promised u wif my life
Tis doesnt only apply to the person im refering to but 2 all Christians ... I hope u will place all ur trust in Jesus ... only den will u taste his full goodness... obey him in all areas of ur life ...dun do it alone.. do it wif Jesus :) tts y He placed areas in ur life 2 do it wif Him :) He delights in it :)...always remember tis... God died for a relationship wif u :)
wow... my dad just smeared sum 'holy ash' onto my head... its a indu religon btw.... how i wondered when will he receive Christ ... God ... watever happens let it be what You have planned...
Dear Jesus, i would like 2 pray for all who is reading my blog that they understand what it means to really served u to the fullest... giving each area 2 Jesus means blessings gains out of it,I pray that u not give what they want but help them grow in their need in you and so that they can understand that there is no1 like you ... for u r our everything .... i pray tat u blessed them in their walk wif u...understand themselves even more n inorder for them 2 understand themselves more they must understand u first for u created us ... i pray for spiritual protection over my brothers and sisters that they will keep the faith strong through temption. In Jesus name,Amen
Lord,i also pray for myself tat i will think of u every hr ... tat every part of my life is urs...that im fully submitable 2 u....i pray for protection also againist spiritual attacks tat i will not fall from it ... i pray that i can feel ur presence thru tis hard times tat im going through for i noe ur basically moulding me for ur purpose ... let not sin deceived me but the Truth delights in me ...i pray for my group to grow,my walk wif U 2 also grow n also for my studies to grow...i pray all tis in the mighty name of Jesus,Amen.(ty for listening)n ty God for speaking to me ...Amen
i have been unfaithful wif my fasting ... i dun wanna compromise anymore ... no meal every morning for the rest of the this year
11:17 PM
I never will leave You ~
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