Thursday, April 19, 2007
God is still in control
i love tis front colour pink ... it makes me feel happy :)
but God really ... y did u create my so soft-hearted? so so SO soft-hearted? y am i being emo-kia ... im a guy yet i can be so much in hurt than a girl can ... when i feel like crying like a little gal ... the guy in me doesnt allow me .... but when i wanna be hard-hearted n strong .. the girl in me doesnt allow it either ... oh gosh.... im really one of the most uniquely createdly ... i mean every1 of ya r unique to but ... but ... i dun understand ... God... u noe at im so soft ... yet why? test?character-building? ....... i just wanna cry but im being pulled back forth....
but den again ... i think abt it ... God i did said tat pour in so many problems tat i have 2 worship u like Job in the bible ... wow .. God im really really suffering alot but ppl cant see it .... if they taste one percent of my hurt ....they might died ... but just 0.infinite0 plus 1 % of ur pain r far beyond what is mine currently....I ... tis problem .. God ... i learn a few things thru tis event but ... must it be done in tis way?i regret what i could have done or what i could have done ... but what is done is done ... looking back is Satan's weapon ... 2 make us so depressed.. yes .. i noe Satan is doing tat ... but its so hard 2 come 2 u again .. when im at my lowest of the lowest point of my life ... everything is crumpling just rite infront of my eyes ... god ... am i innocent for such things happen? or should i thank God for u not fully taking the Full damage... but God ... definitely i knewed u protected us ....for how come ? did it not felt physical pain though its blood? i feel so injustified ... i want revenge but den again im falling to the Devil's trap ... sum1 told me 2 i will hate such ppl for being so injustified... i was shocked ... i didnt hate the ppl who hurted me so so terribly or even my friend ... but hate Satan for introuducing Sin into Human beings .... Satan ... y Y Y!! but no pointing arguing at u .... u will make me fall into it slowly anyways... u dun care if i think ur the lowest dog of all!!! I HATE U SATAN!!! N NTH ELSE!!! i dun hate the person who kills 100ppl ... i dun hate the ppl who kill my friends ... i dun even hate the ppl who did killed my paents... ill forgive them if they did but U!!! no acceptions!!! ill be seeing u in HELL SUFFERING!!! dun want talk 2 u liao Satan .. .just go 2 hell n suffer ....
haiz... im actually sumtimes feel angry at ppl having stead... i mean my brothers n sisters who have stead lar... i feel angry at them ... though they just knew God ... its because like ... Stead is so useless ....but than again .. at my lowest time i fee like having sum1 around ... but the true is ... even if i have a stead... n she is tere at my lowest point of time ... it wouldnt help ... only God was able 2 heal my slashed-pierce heart tat no one can heal ... n i actually feel sad for my brothers n sisters who have stead ... i tell u ... it gonna hurt u even more than it helps ... trust me ... it really will if u have it at young age n without any proper commitments plus purposes of having a Girlfriend pr Boyfriend.... i neva say its wrong just tat not the rite time ... rather Ask God 2 be ur best friend mah ... better wat :) ... i went thru alot of testings ... n i really got one of the worst family problematic i have but can it be seen just by looking at my face? guess not ... i really lack alot of love and attention ... but den again every1 needs it ... just tat where do u get the source from ... Fromg God? or ur stead? u place ur security in God or ur stead? think carefully why do u even stead ... its not easy but it will get harder ..................
wow i feel much better ... but God .. i really pray that u protect me tomorrow.. i dun wanna worry abt it anymore though i know its gonna happen ... Coz ur greater and bigger than all these problems tat happen n gonna happen 2morrow ..i trust u ... Coz i fear U LORD ... worry = fear ... i dun wanna fear anymore .........God ... give me courage!!!
11:04 PM
I never will leave You ~
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